"I find you attractive. Your aggressive moves toward me… indicate that you feel the same way. But still, ritual requires that we continue with a number of platonic activities… before we have sex. I am proceeding with these activities, but in point of actual fact, all I really want to do is have intercourse with you as soon as possible.
[pause]
Are you gonna slap me now?"
-(Source: kikeduh)
My father fell for a scam and now he made a facebook
Dad: Well I'm gonna put God as a friend. *adds some random guy with the name God*Me: *Rolls eyes*
Dad: And My wife. Who else is better friend than my wife *types my mom's name*
Me: Dad, you can only add her if she has a Facebook account, you can't just type her name and expect her pic to appear out of nowhere.
All because of some stupid "Win a million dollars" contest.
OMG I REACH MY 15000 POST!
I liked to thank my Laptop and my Ipod for sticking with me for more than 4 years. I would also like to thank
- My friends
- My other friends that are not friends but since you don’t want to sound rude you call them “friend”s
- that friend
- Natalia
- Sammy
- Melisa
- that one bitch
- My dog
- My granma’s dog
- My ex’s dog
- That dog across the street
- That that that’s not that but that that is actually a dog
- Wikipedia
- Every single porn tab I’ve open since I got here
- UPR libraries for being so “nice” to us when we use tumblr
- “We were all rooting for you! I was rooting for you! How dare you!”
- and Oprah
some gifs I have save over these years:
ay no kiero maybe later
You may now continue with ur regular stuff
(Source: kikeduh)
Nailing is easy
1. Seduce guy in any place
2. Open Legs.
3. Enjoy.
4. Repeat 3 till you’re tired.
Told you they were great advice.
(Source: kikeduh)
"Nail him like an asian nails an SAT."
-Me giving advice to a friend(Source: kikeduh)
AFTER CUMING FACTS
- Did you know that about 0.06% of men can reach their happy place without the help of any physical contact via their own hands or anyone else’s.
- After a man’s big moment, his brain releases a chemical called prolactin which makes him zonk out. Think of it as sexy narcolepsy.
- The French call the big o “le petit mort”. That’s because they do on occasion kill people by instigating heart failure. Some people just faint every time so they’re lucky we guess.
- Each male climax sends sperm forth at rather startling 28mph speeds according to research by the Kinsey Institute. That’s faster than any human being on earth can run.
- In fact, it is impossible for you to feel any emotion while you’re having one. That’s because they shut down the part of your brain in charge of emotions until the moment is over. Evolution is weird.
- This is going to ruin an age-old excuse for a lot of ladies. But half of the people undergoing a study of regular headache sufferers found that sexual climax quickly took away their pain faster than painkillers did.
- If you’re a man that is. A recent study revealed that men who experience the big “O” two times per week or more live longer than men who get there less frequently.
- Sexologists and authors of the book “The Fundamentals of Sex” claim that some ladies can get there over 100 times in an hour. That’s one every 36 seconds and it sounds pretty exhausting.
- Have them frequently and you’re less susceptible to the common cold and other easy to fight illnesses.
- Right after they happen, they flood your brain with the feel-good chemicals oxytocin and endorphins. It’ll make you feel better and improve your mood.
- Studies have shown that a climax can stop your cravings for junk food. Some have even found that they can replace cigarette cravings.
(Source: kikeduh)
Told you I’d make one xD
(Source: kikeduh)
Predictions for ma first birthday party of the year
- I won’t enter the beach (even tho Im practically harrasing people to go xD)
- One of my friends will bring more hotdogs than hotdog bread, my estimate is 16 bread, 50 hotdogs
- The taxi guy will be some old pervert
- NATALIA YOU WILL GO AUNQUE TENGA QUE AMARRARTE A LA SILLA DEL TAXI (talk about subtlety xD)
- David will get lost
- Gustavo will get mad for not being invited aunque se lo dije mil veces the time and day *sigh*
Because of a stress hormone, 60% of people have a “natural alarm clock” and can wake up when they wish.
(Source: kikeduh)
